Ben

I've been having dreams of my cousin, who passed away (suicide) this past January. Usually, when someone passes away that's so close to me, I have always had a dream within three days of their passing of them coming to saw their good byes. With Ben, he was the closest person I've ever lost. We were soul-bonded since a very young age - perhaps since birth - and we have always just somehow known what the other was thinking, even during the times when there were over two thousand miles between us. So when I lost him, I was sure I'd see him again at least for a good bye. That wasn't the case, however. Instead on the typical one god bye dream, he's been in my dreams almost every night since his death. In dreams, he's sometimes also taken the form of a Russian Borzoi - a breed I had previously not been familiar. I had at first thought it was a mix between a Wolfhound and a Saluki, until I stumbled upon a picture of a Borzoi while looking through some fur coloring tutorials. It was a shock to see that dog on the screen because I'd seen it so many times in my dreams. Furthermore, the specific picture was very close in coloring to the dog (in the picture) which is very rare coloring for the breed. Lately, in dreams, Ben has been telling me things about how he's not dead in such a final way and that he'll always be close to me. It's such an odd feeling, but even during my waking hours, I can feel him around. The feeling is especially strong when I've been afraid or in trouble. I've never heard of this sort of thing happening, but it seems like soul-bonds maybe are a bit different. Stronger. Regardless, I'm more thankful than I can express to have the most wonderful guardian spirit I could ever have thought of.

I've tried being realistic, because I honestly thought I was crazy. I tried rationalizing it as me being unable to cope, etc. but I just... I know he's dead, he's just not gone. Before he came to me, I thought he was gone and had come to terms and made peace with the loss. Now? I'm confused, and also grateful that he's still in my life. I loved him so much - and still do. He feels the same, and has not abandon me.

 

- - -

<sub>His eyes they closed
and his last breath spoke
he had seen all to be seen
a life once full
now an empty vase
wilt the blossoms
on his early grave

walk away me boys
walk away me boys
and by morning we'll be free
wipe that golden tear
from your mother dear
and raise what's left
of the flag for me
then the rosary beads
count them 1 2 3
fell apart as they hit the floor
in a garb of black
we must pay respect
to the color we were born to mourn
walk away me boys
walk away me boys
and by morning we'll be free
wipe that golden tear
from your mother dear
and raise what's left
of the flag for me

In its place grew
an angry festered wound
full of hatered and remorse
where I pick and scratch
till the blood it matched
silent rage that now fills my lungs
for there are many ways
to kill a man they say
with bayonet, axe or sword
but son a bullet fired
from a shapeless guise
just put the shell of a Thompson gun

walk away me boy
walk away me boys
and by morning we'll be free
wipe that golden tear
from your mother dear
and raise what's left
of the flag for me

from the east out to the western shore
where many men and many more will fall
but no angel flies with me tonight
though freedom reigns on all
and curse the name for which
we slaved our days
so every men chose Kingdom Come
But sure as night turns day
it's the passion play
oh my god
what have they done
with madman's rage
well they dug our graves
but the dead rise again you fools

walk away me boy
walk away me boys
and by morning we'll be free
wipe that golden tear
from your mother dear
and raise what's left
of the flag for me

walk away me boy
walk away me boys
and by morning we'll be free
wipe that golden tear
from your mother dear
and raise what's left
of the flag for me

- Fogging Molly</sub>